Tag Archives: fetishes

Silk Jones



Check out what Silk Jones had to say about in our private interview and feel free to ask a few questions of your own.


What got you interested in writing BDSM?
I’ve always had in interest in reading erotica and I’ve always loved to write. My decision to write BDSM erotica merges those two interests. As a child, I read every book in my parents’ collection which included “The Joy of Sex” as well as novels by Harold Robbins and Sidney Sheldon. Later in life, I discovered erotica. My favorite authors in the genre included Anais Nin, Anne Rice, Henry Miller, and those Victorian spanking novels written by “Anonymous.” In recent years, I’ve read BDSM novels by Cherise Sinclair, Red Phoenix, Sadey Quinn and others and thoroughly enjoyed them. I am a novelist who writes romances under a pen name, so I decided to try my hand at BDSM erotica. I started by writing spanking erotica stories for my friends. They loved the stories and encouraged me to publish them. So, here I am.

What resources or research, if any, have you done into BDSM to make your stories realistic?
In reading BDSM erotica, I recognized some things about myself and my past relationships, so I made a decision to learn more about the BDSM lifestyle and to explore it. I joined online BDSM communities and read numerous articles, blogs, and other online resources geared toward educating novices in the lifestyle. I found an experienced Dom to mentor me. I read books about the lifestyle including but not limited to: “SM101: A Realistic Introduction” by Jay Wiseman, “The Ethical Slut – A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures” by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy, and “The New Bottoming Book” by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. I attended munches – monthly meetings with experienced local BDSM practitioners who made presentations about various aspects of the BDSM lifestyle and BDSM practices. I also attended “Newbie Night” at a local dungeon where they demonstrated various BDSM skills, techniques, and play practices to those new to the lifestyle.

What differences or difficulties, if any, do you see in writing D/s stories as opposed to your typical romance?
In a typical romance, tried and true classic storylines are accepted, desired and even demanded to a certain extent by the average romance reader. When you write D/s stories, however, an author has to be ever vigilant about authenticity with respect to the lifestyle and avoid clichés. To achieve authenticity, you have to put yourself in the mindset or at least the point of view of a Dom, submissive, Sadist or masochist which might prove a bit difficult if you haven’t been exposed to the lifestyle or if you’re not that experienced in the areas of play about which you’re writing. How does a masochist experience or process pain stimuli? What does a Dom feel or experience when he’s flogging a submissive? Are all submissives masochists and vice versa? The answer to the last question is “no,” but if you don’t know that, you could make a mistake in your novel that might throw your reader out of the story. So writing a D/s story can take more research and more attention to detail and characterization than an average romance novel.

Why have you chosen to attend BDSM Writers Conference?
A Domme I met at an event (she sold me my very first leather paddle) commented online about what a great time she had at the 2014 BDSM Writers Conference and added a link to the conference website. I clicked on the link and was very happy about what I read. The conference seemed tailor made for me. I can interact with my readers, find new ones, get new ideas, learn more about BDSM, and have tons of fun at the same conference. Sounds like the perfect weekend to me.silk jones, BDSM Writers Con, Charley Ferrer, spanking, fetishes, kink

Silk Jones has always been a lover of all things sexy. Silk writes erotica, erotic romance and erotic poetry. Although she has written several erotic spanking stories to entertain her friends, “The Interview: Law Firm Erotica Book I” is her first foray into the publishing world.


S. J. Maylee

S.J. Maylee, kink, erotica, BDSM romance, bondage


We asked S.J. Maylee a few questions about writing BDSM erotica. Feel free to ask her a few of your own



At what point did you decide you wanted to write BDSM themed erotic romance?
I wasn’t compelled to write until I incorporated the dynamics of Dominance and submission into the lives of my characters. In this place of honesty, I can see my characters so clearly and get them to face their deepest desires. These are the stories that won’t leave me alone and inspire me.

Is there one area of BDSM that you tend to write about more? Why do you think that area creeps into your writing more than some others?
All of my stories have Dominance and submission. It’s an area I love to read and it naturally appears in my stories. The amount of strength and restraint a Dom must possess is breathtaking. A submissive’s role is not to be underestimated. It takes a tremendous amount of strength and bravery to give yourself to someone. It also takes a fine balance to build trust between my couples. When it happens, it’s magic. S.J. Maylee, kink, erotica, BDSM romance, bondage

Have you done research in BDSM to make your stories realistic?
Yes, at the beginning of my journey, I became friends with a Dom and we’ve had countless conversation about the dynamics. He helped me to understand how the safe, sane, and consensual rules aren’t just smart, but they play an essential role.

Although I write romantic fiction, I want my love stories to feel real and I recognize my responsibility with the genre and I’ve continued my studies.

What differences or difficulties, if any, do you see in writing D/s stories as opposed to your typical romance?
BDSM is a culture and needs to be respected, but I love that. I’m passionate about learning and this is an area I can really sink my teeth into. BDSM requires honesty and as a romance writer this is often where the heart of my stories are discovered. If a character is lying to themselves, they’ll certainly lie to each other. Breaking through personal barriers and finding their truth is a rewarding experience.

S.J. Maylee, kink, erotica, BDSM romance, bondageS.J. Maylee fell in love with storytelling at a young age and with it came a deep-seated desire for everyone to find their happily ever after. She’s finding the happy endings for her characters one steamy story at a time.

When she’s not reading or writing, you can find her caring for her garden, laughing with her two young sons, or dancing to her husband’s music. She’s a PMP (Project Management Professional), Nia instructor, and coffee addict.

As a writer she has a tendency to break hearts, but she always glues them back together.

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Jenna Byrnes

Jenna Byrnes, BDSM Writers, spanking, fetishes, BDSM romance


Jenna Byrnes speaks out about BDSM and her book series



What got you interested in writing BDSM?
Several years ago I met BDSM author Jude Mason online, and then in person, and we became fast friends. She had an extensive list of titles (Yes Ma’am, Dance of Submission, and dozens more.) The subject matter intrigued me. Before I dived in, she gave me lots of advice and resources to use for research, so my writing would be accurate as well as hot! Jude and I went on to co-author more than fifteen titles together, not specifically BDSM novels but many have a touch of D/s woven in.Jenna Byrnes, BDSM Writers, spanking, fetishes, BDSM romance

I also admire my friend Lisabet Sarai’s writing style. Her spanking stories are top notch, and spanking has become one of my fun favorites to write about.

What genres are your favorite to write?
My absolute favorite is male/male, and most of my recent work is in that area. Ménage adding a woman is fun, and I’ve also added a third man. I like to mix it up and have tried many combinations, including several lesbian stories. I have thirty-nine books available at Totally Bound. I’m in six Coming Together charity volumes, and I have four boxed sets on Amazon which contain more than 28 novellas and short stories.

What elements of BDSM interest you the most?
As I mentioned, I enjoy writing spanking scenes. But my main focus is the D/s relationship and the complexities of it. While at first glance it might appear that the Master is looking out only for his/herself, in reality the well-being of his submissive should be first and foremost in the relationship. That knowledge allows the submissive to trust enough to put him/herself into the hands of another person. Fascinating!

Tell us a litJenna Byrnes, BDSM Writers, spanking, fetishes, BDSM romancetle about your BDSM titles.
My series is called Rose & Thorn Society. The first book is Switching Seth (m/m/f) about a man who desires to try his hand at domination so his Master allows him to bring a woman into their sex play, and ultimately, their lives.

The second book is Never Say Never (m/m/m) about a man whose longtime partner has left him and his new love is into D/s. When the old lover returns he tells him it’s too late, yet his master is intrigued and wants to bring a third into their bedroom.

Book three is Brooklyn Bound (m/f/m) about a couple adding another man into their role-play. It will be available in December from Totally Bound.

Book four is An Unexpected Win (m/m/m) about a Master who loses his submissive for one week in a poker game, and the aftermathJenna Byrnes, BDSM Writers, spanking, fetishes, BDSM romance of how that plays out. This one is coming in Jan. 2015 from Totally Bound.
Jenna Byrnes could use more cabinet space and more hours in a day. She’d fill the kitchen with gadgets her husband purchases off TV and let him cook for her to his heart’s content. She’d breeze through the days adding hours of sleep, and more time for writing the hot, erotic romance she loves to read. Jenna thinks everyone deserves a happy ending, and loves to provide as many of those as possible to her gay, lesbian and hetero characters. Her favorite quote, from a pro-gay billboard, is “Be careful who you hate. It may be someone you love.”

Jenna Brynes, BDSM Writers, spanking, fetishes, BDSM romance   Jenna Brynes, BDSM Writers, spanking, fetishes, BDSM romance   Jenna Brynes, BDSM Writers, spanking, fetishes, BDSM romance

Tori Carson

Tori Carson, BDSM, bondage, fetishes BDSM Writers Con
Tori Carson shares her thoughts and stories with us


Tori, where did you find the inspiration for writing your first BDSM romance story, Bondage Anniversary?
My husband and I had been in a D/s relationship for many years when Fifty Shades of Gray became such a sensation. I was amazed at the phenomena the trilogy caused. The media ran articles on the FSOG baby boom and so forth. I wondered what would happen if a husband discovered his wife’s secret interest in BDSM and how that would change their relationship.

How do you make your stories so realistic?Tori Carson, BDSM, bondage, fetishes BDSM Writers Con

They say to write what you know and I took that advice to heart. While my books are completely fictional, I try to draw from real life experiences as much as possible. Do all your stories have a happy ending?
Definitely. My husband and I met in high school and no one gave our love much of a chance. Thirty years later we are more in love today than ever before. I wish everyone could find their happily ever after and I wouldn’t accept anything less for my characters.<

How can readers learn more about your books?
I have two D/s romance series currently available. The Desired Discipline series is published through Totally Bound and is available both digitalTori Carson, BDSM, bondage, fetishes BDSM Writers Conly and in paperback. The Master’s touch series is published through Ellora’s Cave and is available digitally.

Tori lives in the beautiful Sonoran Desert with her loving husband of almost thirty years. She wakes up each morning to the howls of coyotes and the barking of her family dogs wanting to join the fray.

When Tori isn’t writing, she’s either spending time with her two, wonderful adult children, or creating stained glass art.

She likes her love stories scorching hot. She tries to infuse a fire and passion between her characters that rivals the blazing summer sun that Arizona is known for. Tori encourages you to bask in the heat between the covers of a Dominant/submissive, happily-ever-after, bondage romance.

Tori Carson, BDSM, bondage, fetishes BDSM Writers Con

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Adrianna Taylor

Adrianna Taylor, Story of Control, BDSM Writers, Dominatric, non-fiction BDSM 
My book is factual
not fiction!

What got you interested in writing about BDSM?

I am a Dominatrix, and have been for three years, so my book is based on real life accounts of my sessions. Initially I had no intention to write a book, but a man I met by chance (who is now my editor and business partner), said, when I told him what I did: “Adrianna, I bet you have some really interesting stories to tell about being a Dominatrix. I am sure people would love to read your real life account, as opposed to the fictional ones that are now so popular.” I thought about it for a week or so, then started writing. 6 months later, my book, The Story of Control is on sale on Amazon, both as a Kindle E-book, and as a paperback.

What research, if any, have you done into BDSM to make your stories realistic?

Being a Mistress, I can draw inspiration for my sessions. For example, if I have a client who has a very interesting persona, or is outlandish in their wishes, they make interesting characters to write about. Or if I try a new activity in my sessions, I can write about that too. I like to portray the realistic side of BDSM, as it is not all dungeons and PVC. My clients are real people who rely on my making their fantasy a reality, either for their sexual gratification, or  just to lay to rest a nagging fantasy.  What differences or difficulties, if any, do you see in writing D/S stories as opposed to your typical romance?
With my book, The Story of Control,  I have successfully Adrianna Taylor, Story of Control, BDSM Writers, Dominatric, non-fiction BDSMcombined enough of the BDSM kinky element, but have also added other threads, an important one being romance. In my opinion, if written well, romance and BDSM can go together. Everyone, whether they admit it or not, has a kinky side. But often they may just not know how to let out and satisfy it.
Do you get any sexual gratification from being a Dominatrix? From reading your book, it’s obvious that your clients do. But do you?
Personally I don’t get sexual grafication from dominating a client, I enjoy having control over someone but see it more as a strict boss-employee situation.
What does your partner think about you being a Dominatrix, and seeing men without clothes on, and spanking their bare bottoms?
Most of my clients are a lot older than myself and certainly not what I would consider attractive. My partner has always been very supportive of me and is completely fine with me seeing clients, and on occassions has also watched a session on request by a client
Adrianne has been a mistress for three years. At the age of 23, disillusioned with the world of modelling, I entered the world of BDSM. Being a young Mistress wasn’t always easy, as I would often be scrutinised by older Mistresses, and older potential clients. Some said I was too young to understand corporal punishment, as could not understand how a person would feel being summoned up for the cane. I agreed to an extent, but I knew what fear felt like, growing up with an abusive father and walking on eggshells, never sure which character would be coming home at the end of the day was something I feared. I liked acting, and I enjoyed taking on characters and giving them my own twist, as the strict school mistress or head girl. I was certainly not your typical mistress; an older matron type, or a raven-haired PVC-clad beauty working from a dungeon, I was small, blonde, and busty, working from a domestic setting with a hockey bag of implements and the knowledge and skill to create a character and improvise a setting. But I was a hit.
Adrianna Taylor, Story of Control, BDSM Writers, Dominatric, non-fiction BDSM   Adrianna Taylor, Story of Control, BDSM Writers, Dominatric, non-fiction BDSM  Adrianna Taylor, Story of Control, BDSM Writers, Dominatric, non-fiction BDSM  Adrianna Taylor, Story of Control, BDSM Writers, Dominatric, non-fiction BDSM

Renee Rose

Renee Rose, BDSM Writers, BDSM romance, kink, spankings, fetish


Join us for our interview with Renee Rose. Feel free to ask her a few of your own questions.


How did you begin writing BDSM?
As a lifelong spanko, I had hundreds of D/s fantasies rattling around in my head, but didn’t realize there was a market for it until I accidentally stumbled upon the genre three years ago. I knew immediately I’d found my calling.

Do you think there’s a difference between spanking romance and BDSM?
Yes and no. I think domestic discipline falls into the spectrum of D/s, but there are nuances that are different. Shame is a key element of the spanking kink, so spanking romance is looking for the real-life scenarios with real punishment, as opposed to considering it to be a bedroom activity. My characters do always acknowledge the sexual nature and appeal of it, too, though.

You write non-consensual spanking and punishment scenes, how Renee Rose, BDSM Writers, BDSM romance, kink, spankings, fetish do you make them palatable to your readers?
I love non-consent, because I think it makes the scene hotter, but it can be tricky. I write a lot of historical romance because it eases the issue. In times when corporal punishment was the norm, you have societal consent for a man to spank his wife or lover, so her consent is not necessary. In contemporary romances, I usually have him looking for signs of non-verbal consent, like erect nipples, lubrication, etc.

Do you consider D/s a practice or orientation?
I truly feel I was born this way, so an orientation.

Do you live it?
It was not until I published my first book that I told my husband how much submission meant to me. I am happy to say that he caught up quickly.

Renee Rose, BDSM Writers, BDSM romance, kink, spankings, fetish Renee Rose is a modern dance teacher, Feldenkrais Practitioner(R), energy worker and kinkster. Named Eroticon USA’s Next Top Erotic Author in 2013, her books are all centered around her favorite kink: spanking. With a B.A. in creative writing, she spent thirteen years in technical writing before she found a way to incorporate her deepest darkest spanking fantasies into fiction and express a part of her that longed to see the light. She is now passionate about supporting others in accepting and exploring their kink, whatever that may be. Please visit her blog and join the conversation!

Renee Rose, BDSM Writers, Bondage, Spanking, fetishes Renee Rose, BDSM Writers, Bondage, Spanking, fetishes Renee Rose, BDSM Writers, Bondage, Spanking, fetishes Renee Rose, BDSM Writers, Bondage, Spanking, fetishes




Laura Antoniou

Laura Antoniou
Laura Antonious  talks frankly about BDSM and the vast misconceptions most individuals have about those who embrace this erotic lifestyle.

Feel free to pose a few of your own questions for her below.

What is your aim when it comes to writing about BDSM? What do you hope people get out of reading your books?
I want to write a good story, and I hope readers get a ripping good read! I hope they enjoy the characters and the trouble they get into and the emotional and philosophical decisions they have to make. And I hope they like the fantasy world I created and enjoy imagining what it would be like to adventure in a world like that, whether they like the idea of being served or serving or just being the occasional bystander.

What are some popular misconceptions about people who participate in BDSM?
That we’re intrinsically or situationally damaged – either we’re born injured or handicapped or cursed by these desires, or that we are made kinky by bad experiences. Sadly, Fifty Shades of GreyLaura Antoniou, BDSM Writers Con, fetishes, bondage, Charley Ferrer does support the “only damaged people do SM” meme. But studies within the scene have revealed we are no more or less likely to be emotionally challenged or disabled than the rest of the human population. Which is sad because I really wanted the study to show we’re more creative, saner and smarter. Ahh, well.

What about this idea that you have to be damaged in some way to like it: do you think that’s true?
See the above question. That some kinky people have had bad sexual or emotional experiences only reflects that MANY people experience these things. Frankly, it’s very hard to admit past abuse issues when you’re into SM, because so many people leap to the conclusion, “Oh, that’s why you like to be tied up! Your father called you stupid when you were seven!” It’s nonsense. You might as well conclude that people like to play football because they drank milk as babies. Correlation does not imply causation. There are far too many variables.

But because so many people have experienced some form of abuse or neglect, they can sometimes find a sense of power and security in enacting consensual dramas as adults. They might not want to relive past pain, but instead find ways to create greater trust and intimacy by sharing what scared or hurt them and finding ways for their lovers to help them to feel safe, or powerful, cherished and respected. And there is nothing more empowering to a past abuse survivor than the feeling of negotiating exactly what they want and getting it, completely able to stop anything that isn’t working. It’s not therapy – people who need professional help should get it. But it can be very rewarding and pleasurable.

BDSM Writers Con, Laura Antoniou, kink, fetish, Charley Ferrer
What about the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon? Is it good that more people know about BDSM through that, or does it paint a very misguided view of BDSM by perpetuating that only those who are damaged in some way will enjoy it?
The main thing people need to realize about Fifty Shades of Grey is that it’s a romance. This is not a portrayal of the modern BDSM scene any more than a romance book about a sexy doctor is about the National Health Service. In fact, the kinky scene doesn’t even exist in those books – other than the damaged romantic hero commenting that she’d be amazed at what she could find on the internet, and suggesting Wikipedia for her research purposes. And this in Seattle, one of the most influential cities for the BDSM community in the US!

Don’t get me started.

Anyway! Most people who read those books have zero interest in doing anything kinky. They are romance readers! They read for escapism, not life modeling. If romance readers read and then ran out to find what they read about, the beaches and docks would be full of women waiting to be picked up by pirates.

And the damaged hero is nothing more than part of the standard romantic trope of “virginal woman secures the love of a bad boy through her virtue.” He is only bad because he had a dark past. Poor, poor billionaire Christian, with the 6-pack abs and the concert-level piano skills, flying his personal helicopter and buying his girlfriend cars and homes! He was abused and neglected as a child, and therefore beats women who look like his mum. But in the end, true love redeems him, and the kinky sex, which he once used to distance himself from women, becomes merely another way he and his wife – and mother of his children – can enjoy their frequent and mutually satisfying sex life. And they live happily ever after, assuming no more of his former girlfriends come after them with guns.
BDSM Writers Con, Laura Antoniou, kink, bondage, fetishes, Charley Ferrer, BDSM writers

This is not good for people like me, who aren’t much into romance novels. But it means almost nothing to people who actually have kinky sex. Sure, a few people will read the books, goggle a few terms, and unlike Anastasia, they will find us! And some of them will come out, buy a sex toy, attend a workshop or a party, maybe even buy one of my books. And of them, a few will stay for a while. But we’re talking very small numbers.

The big change – the one that will count – is how many people will begin to see just how unthreatening the BDSM scene really is. Because right now, all over the world, people are telling their friends and family, “Oh, what I do is sort of like what’s in those books you just read in your book club. But without the stalking and we don’t use zip ties for bondage because they hurt too much.” And their friends are thinking, “Well, sheesh, what’s the big deal then?”

And that is all to the better. People will feel safer “coming out” as kinky when they know their grandma has those books on a shelf. And it will be harder to paint us as rare, dangerous deviants when everyone knows mum has those books on her kindle.

How does a book like 50 Shades differ from one of your books?
I do not write romances. My books are not about one couple, fated to get together and stay together forever in domestic bliss. Mine are about a larger cast of characters, with only a few staying from book to book – it’s more in the style of an old fashioned family saga. The setting is what matters, plus a few core characters and their arcs. There are romantic aspects to my books, but no happily ever afters. Just an occasional “happy for now.”

I also write for an audience that is more aware of sexuality and BDSM. Frankly, I find many of the sexual depictions in 50 Shades to be misleading at best or dangerous at worst. Hopefully, the type of people who look to fiction to teach them how to have sex have better examples to learn from. Of course anyone who thinks fiction is any way to learn anything is already operating from a handicap. You might as well read a Star Trek novel to learn jet propulsion.
Laura Antoniou’s publishing career began when she started writing gay men’s smut to promote safer sex practices during the early 90’s. Emboldened by getting paid to do this, she then edited the groundbreaking “Leatherwomen” series, highlighting tales of kinky women. This was rapidly followed by half a dozen other anthologies and the Marketplace series of erotic BDSM novels BDSM Writers Con, Laura Antoniou, Fetishes, kink, BDSM, Charley Ferrer which never reached the sales level of the 50 Shades books, but she’s not bitter. Instead, she wrote the 6th, titled The Inheritor, due to come out in 2015.

In 2013, Laura turned her mind to mysteries and came out with the Rainbow Book Award for Best LGBT Mystery, The Killer Wore Leather. Now that she has achieved almost mainstream success with it, she plans a sequel, to be released via Cleis Press. She is also the editor for Best Lesbian Erotica 2015 and is planning many other writing and editing projects in order to fulfill a lifelong dream of actually making a living on this sort of thing. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter or check her out at www.lantoniou.com

BDSM Writers Con, Charley Ferrer, kink, fetishes, erotica, bdsm romanceFeatured Author of BDSM Writers Con 2014

Alex Tempera

Alex Tempera_logo


Here are a few questions we had for Alex Tempera



What got you interested in writing BDSM?
I like writing a variety of genres to challenge myself.  I was inspired by the work of author Caethes Faron. She does not write BDSM but her work inspired me to attempt to write erotica. The minute I decided to try that, I knew I should involve BDSM as a sub-genre. It just seemed to fit the story I wanted to write.

What research have you done in regards to learning about BDSM and the lifestyle?
My friend, whom I have known for over 18 years, is a Dom and engaged to his submissive. I always knew about his lifestyle, which for years he kept hidden from most people, but always talked to it about me because he knew I would never judge him. I jetted him an email and asked if he would mind answering some questions. I told him what I wanted to do and he answered everything and gave me more information, such as websites like social media sites for those involved in the lifestyle. (not sure if I should list the site or not, but it’s fetlife.com)

Do you only write BDSM stories or have you ventured into other Alex Tempera, BDSM Writers, bondage, bdsm romance, kink, fetishesfacets of erotica and romance?
I have written three books (2 of them not yet published) that have to do with BDSM and the lifestyle. I have also written a m/m erotica romance that does not have any BDSM within the storyline.

Do you think there is a difference between a BDSM romance versus a regular romance?
I think there are differences in the way the romance versus erotica stories are told because of how much detail and the language used, especially when describing sexual situations. In BDSM, it is not always about sex and romance, but the bond between the dominant and submissive. In my book, “Waiting for Superman”, the bond between the main character, Kylie (who was a submissive) and her late-husband, Ian, who was also her Master is still strong. The bonds and power between the two can be very strong if it’s there. If there is no sense of bond, the D/s relationship will not work.

Any current projects or series in connection with released books? Waiting for Superman does have a sequel, but it is too early to release it. Waiting for Superman does NOT have a cliffhanger ending. The sequel picks up a year later and it’s called “club Olympus”.

Do you have any personal experience in the lifestyle?
In doing my research, I found a deeper interest into the lifestyle and Alex Tempera, BDSM Writers, bondage, power exchange, master slave, fetishesnow, I do have my own submissive.

Alex Tempera is the alter ego of author Amy Shannon. In the quest for a new genre, Amy transformed into Alex to create a new depth of erotica and romance novels. The beauty of a well written erotica novel is that is contains a thoughtful and romantic storyline as well as beautifully written intimate scenes. Alex’s research into erotica genres, BDSM play and the lifestyle will continue to enter into her stories. Alex’s stories do not just revolve around romance sex, but there is always some form of conflict that allows the lovers to realize that they are meant for each other.
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Desiree Holt

Desiree Holt
Desiree Holt


A writer’s journey

through the BDSM Lifestyle

I can’t tell you how many times people ask me why so many of my books involve the BDSM lifestyle. I don’t think the answers I give them are quite what they are looking for. No, I was never in the lifestyle—exactly (damn it!). And I have limited personal experience. In fact, I knew very little about it when it first captured my attention. In 2006 I was fortunate enough to read two books by the incredible Joey W. Hill—The Ice Queen and Mirror of My Soul. I was a fledgling author at the time but I thought to myself that this—this!—was the kind of book I wanted to write.

I began to research the subject, primarily on the Internet, and discovered a number of places where I could interact with people. Among them is Fetlife, where I found that as long as I was upfront with people about who I was and what I wanted, most people were great about answering my questions.

I was amazed at the things I discovered!

First and foremost is a very important truth about a D/s relationship—it’s the only one built completely on trust. In no other situation does one partner have to place one hundred percent trust in the other to make it work. D/s is about a lot more than the pain, the punishment, the submission. It’s about an exchange of power where each partner is willing to strip himself or herself bare for the other and believe that trust will not be abused.

That’s a powerful, powerful situation.

So when I began including BDSM in my books I focused on that aspect of the lifestyle. My Ellora’s Cave book, Rodeo Heat (which won The Romance Studio Award for Best BDSM Book of the Year), seemed the perfect place to launch this new phase of my writing. Grace, my heroine, is 42. She’s been a widow for 20 years. Her entire life has been in emotional lockdown as she raised her children and made a career for herself. Ben is ten years younger chronologically but years older emotionally. As a rodeo rider he’s lived a hard life. Grace touches him in a place he’s never opened to anyone before. He is also a dedicated Dom.

When he takes Grace on her journey of sexual awakening, he introduces her to the D/s lifestyle, one aspect at a time. And as Grace learns to trust him, whether he’s spanking her or feeding her with his hands, she is shocked to discover the fulfillment in domination. By the end of the book it is the firm foundation on which their future is built. You’ll find this same theme repeated in all my books built around BDSM.

I was curious about all aspects of a D/s relationship. How do you separate the good from the bad? Last year when I visited a local dungeon I was able to ask a lot of questions about that and the risks involved for a neophyte. The Doms in attendance were totally honest with me and freely answered all my questions. The material I gathered became the framework for a story about an initiated sub who is introduced to the lifestyle by a man who is essentially cruel. Not a true Dom.

Dangerous Addiction, a short Ellora’s Cave novella, is about a woman who was seduced into the lifestyle by a man who was both power-hungry and cruel. Not representative of an appropriate Dom at all. Did not believe in the power exchange and abused the trust of the neophyte sub. Trapped in the web he weaves for her, she is freed only with the help of a friend who sees the relationship as pure emotional abuse. She meets another Dom—experienced, loving, caring—all the things a Dom should be—and tentatively begins a relationship with him, although her prior situation still haunts her.

My wonderful editor, Kelli Collins, urged me to write a sequel to this, so early in 2014 EC will release the full-length Beyond Addiction. This book, with a great deal of input from the local BDSM community, explores all sides of a BDSM partnership. What each level means. The stimulation of pain and the pleasure of punishment when it’s administered properly. The willingness to submit when the sub understands the Dom\me truly cares for him\her.

In this book my heroine is thrown back into contact with the original Dom and is forced to take risks to fight the sick addiction to him she still feels. The book is often harsh because it shows what happens when the dominant partner ignores or refuses to acknowledge the cardinal rule: SSC—Safe, Sane, and Consensual.

Submission is a gift and should be appreciated.

In Beyond Addiction, Fallon, my heroine, is finally able to realize how unhealthy and brutal the situation really is. And what a good, loving D/s relationship is. She finally makes a conscious choice to reach out to the Dom who loves her.

Not everyone begins living the life at an early age. Many come to it later in life. I often worry that people who read about BDSM in my books will develop false illusions about the lifestyle and find themselves in dangerous situations. I wrote this book to show what can happen in a situation like that and to urge them to make the proper choices.

I want my readers to understand that BDSM is a complicated lifestyle, whether you enjoy it for an hour of playtime or as a routine for life. The emotion is intense, communication is essential, and respect is key. If you understand that, this is an extremely rewarding adventure.

Will I continue to write more about this? Absolutely. And I will continue to study it so I can bring you a true picture of it. I hope you’ll join me for the journey my many characters take.



Jan Graham


 Join us as we interview Jan Graham. Below are a few questions we had for her. I’m sure you have a few of your own. Feel free to ask her anything.


What sort of books do you write? I write contemporary erotic romance and erotic romantic suspense with elements of BDSM incorporated into the storyline.jan graham, BDSM Writers, fetishes, kink, BDSM romance

Why did you choose to write erotic romance?The choice was a natural one for me. I like to read erotic romance, so I chose to write what I like to read

Do you practice BDSM or just write about it? I’ve been a member of the kink community for over 15 years now, so including aspect of the lifestyle in my writing is something I love to do. I love showing readers that kink can be part of a “normal” persons everyday life.

Jan Graham, BDSM Writers, BDSM romance, fetishes, spanking, kink, boondageDo you fall in love with the characters you write?Just like in real life, it often starts with falling in lust with my characters (mostly the male ones) and then moves to love. I have also been known to fall in love with my villains. I know, I know, they’re the bad guys. *slaps wrist*


Jan Graham describes herself in many ways. She is a full time writer, friend, submissive, orphan, widow, aunt, and sometimes, a wild child. Despite any hiccups the universe may throw at her, she believes in experiencing everything life has to offer and being the best person Jan Graham, BDSM Writers, Bondage, kink, BDSM romanceshe can be. Jan lives in Newcastle, Australia, where she spends her time writing erotic romance. Her writing falls under a variety of genres including BDSM, contemporary romance, romantic suspense and paranormal romance. Jan has often been quoted as saying:”I am glad to finally give the characters that swirl around my head on a constant basis, the opportunity to put themselves down on paper and I hope they entertain my readers as much as they amuse me.”


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